On the Lighter Side of Nutrition

I’m sure many of you have gotten this email like me but it still makes me laugh so I’ll share it for those that may not have ever received it. We all take our diets too seriously much of the time anyway.  So now magine going to this doctor and asking her or him a few health and nutrition questions.  Remember some of this might seem to actually make sense, but resist the temptation to believe it!

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart good only for so many beats, and that’s it... Don't waste time on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up heart  will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of  your car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to the system. Need grain? Eat chicken.  And a pork chop can give you the 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all... Wine is  made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity part;  and you get even more wellness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc...

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: I  cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU ARE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods fried are made from frying them in vegetable oil. How can getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it gets bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans are the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain the size of  whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! "Round" is shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. The good news is is that the least processed good dark chocolate actually is good for you, just watch how much you are eating because it's still high in calories.